I woke up with no pants and no phone.
I did a bit of drinking last night but not more than I usually drink. I’m a little freaked out because I don’t remember anything after a certain point. This is the second time that my memory is completely shot from a night of drinking.
I’ve maybe seen you half blackout drunk maybe once in the 5 years I’ve known you, Liz.
The first time was in New York, this January. I was sharing a bottle of wine with a friend but since he had a cocktail, I didn’t realize that I was virtually drinking the bottle to myself. He was pouring, I was sipping. Top that off with two amari (plural of amaro; just learned that) and gin straight up… and I was already well past my limit. When I blacked out, I was at an event called Sleep No More. It was a theatrical performance based on Macbeth that took place at the six-floor McKittrick Hotel. People act throughout the whole place, simultaneously, and you can watch it from wherever you decide to go. People do different things in different rooms and different floors so every performance is a dissimilar experience for every person. Just imagine a Shakespearean haunted house minus the haunted part. You’d walk into one room and people would be fighting each other, and, in another, a lady’s washing blood off her hands. That sort of thing. And we all had to wear masks. They were meant to enhance the performance, stripping identity from the guests to direct focus on the actors. It was a beautiful place to be in and I wasted the experience by getting drunk.
I think it was less than hour before I went down. But before that point, I was mean. I think the anonymity the mask gave struck up some impish impulses. I was toying with people. I got face-to-face with them, laughing at them, circling them. It hurts me to think that I was interfering with people’s enjoyment of the show but at the time, I very consciously did that. I got brave… and dumb. I also stole a mask. I really wanted one as a memento so I shoved it in my waistband. One mask on my head and another on my butt. But the masks were already meant for guests to take home at the end of the night… What a steal. When I passed out, I was in pretty close proximity to a couple of actors, doing their thing, so my friend told me that people thought I might have been part of the show. I eventually got kicked out and carried out by security guards. Guards, plural. Apparently I was really heavy.
I was with a couple of friends and I feel extremely guilty and I owe them both. Got separated from one of them and the other had to take care of me the entire night. He said I was saying a bunch of stuff but I couldn’t imagine myself saying those sort of things. Things like demanding for him to take care of me. Christ. I was a mess and I lost the scarf J got me…
Last night I did things I don’t remember. I woke up without my pants. They weren’t even in the same room. I had panties on and I was wearing everything else. I know this is a pretty disconcerting situation but I can’t help but think thank god I wasn’t on my period. I was due to have it sometime these few days. Anyways, I was at an Airbnb that my friends were staying at. I didn’t wake up next to any one. I interrogated my friends. I was trying to understand what had happened. Four out of five people had already went to sleep before I knocked out. The remaining friend carried me to the sofa. I asked him about my pants and he had no clue about them. Did I take them off? And apparently I had gotten up in the middle of the night and jumped into the bed with two boys to sleep. And I must have done so without pants. I don’t remember taking off my pants. I don’t even remember moving to the bed.
….Are you sure they’re not roofieing you?
Someone that I just met did pour me a drink. Apple flavoured Ciroc. It was disgustingly sweet even with a ton of ice but he was carping about the bottle being $40 so I drank it to be polite.
I hate that we live in a world where we would have to worry about this. But… Just take care…
I’m pretty confident that nothing crazy happened and my friends assured me so but it’s a little frightening not to remember what happened just a few hours ago. I think the mostly likely scenario was that I was feeling really uncomfortable so I pulled them off and then move to the bed to sleep(?).
I felt very lost without my pants and my phone. I found my pants pretty quickly; they were somewhere by the sofa. But my friend had thought I had left so he took my phone with him. Also, I had a show to run at 10 so I couldn’t even go home to shower and fix myself up.
Just look after yourself, ok?
I promise to be more careful. Not just for myself. The people I love don’t need unnecessary worry. I still don’t really know what happened though. I’ve been drinking for a long time now. I know my limits very well… or at least I thought I did… so I don’t know how I’m slipping up like this. I’m losing my grip on things a little. What’s wrong with me? I’m better than this.