Been spending the weekend in a lot of pain… my tailbone has been killing me, especially when I've been trying to sleep. I'm currently on the floor with a bag of ice in my waistband and a pillow under my knees (instructions as per Google). Not exactly sure what's wrong with me but all I know is that something called "synovial cysts" are terrifying. I tend not to look up symptoms on Google because I just scare the shit out of myself. I will have to see a doctor in the next couple of days if it soon doesn't recover on it's own…
5:29AM
Yes, I’m Asian now stop saying ni hao to me — RE: Do you experience any prejudice while travelling?
Title’s borrowed from Vice because there’s no better way for me to express how I feel. I can’t stress how much I like this as a topic to write about. I think it is especially relevant after a short trip in Winnipeg. To answer this frankly, my answer is yes, I experience a lot of prejudice when I am travelling. I think everyone will have a very different experience from one another by how they act, how they dress or simply because of how they look, etc. but I think I especially get a lot more of the strange behaviours from people. It’s a love-hate relationship but the perks generally outweigh the disadvantages. I think Asian girls (East-Asian, in particular) have it easier than people of other ethnicities; I can relate to mild forms of racism but not enough for it to be any detriment to my daily life. I’m actually quite thankful of my experiences with prejudice; they better equip me for future situations and they make good stories to tell.
I’m going to start off with my general experiences when I travel. Strangers always talk to me. In many cities, I think people see me as an ‘exotic’; I’m an Asian girl, with silver/blond hair, with a tattoo sleeve, usually with crazy nails and I can’t say I dress conservatively either. In some cities, I simply feel like I stand out because of the way I dress but in other cities, I feel totally out of place with everything combined and I find a lot of people staring at me and looking me up and down in cities like Winnipeg, Calgary, Seattle and Boston to name a few. I’m sure I look bizarre or eccentric to people in those cities so strangers off the street will approach me to start conversations with me. Usually, it will be to ask or complement me about my tattoos and as you would expect, most them are men who are trying to pick me up. (Life has been very different after getting a tattoo +I’ll be writing a post about that sometime after.) I often get asked where I’m from which leads to a conversation about why I’m in town… to what I’m doing at night… to whether I need company. It’s not a difficult thing to deal with but it’s usually an uncomfortable situation for me. It’s only unbearable when I have to deal with yellow-fever, or Asian fetishism and it happens a lot when I’m travelling in less multi-cultural cities. But, surprising enough, I even get that same exotic-factor to a certain degree in Asian countries. It doesn’t happen as often, at least until some kind of discourse begins but once I mention I’m from Toronto, it’s just as bad or even worse. I can see people’s eyes light up and they start to become very interested in what I have to say. And although I am Asian, many Asians who are born and raised inland don’t see me as an Asian girl first; they perceive me to be a Western girl above all else and automatically assume I am experimental, wild, open-minded, etc. These preconceived ideas are not too problematic; compared to many of the people there, I definitely am a lot less conservative but many times people will automatically sexualize this image of me and I suddenly become a caricature of “Girls Gone Wild”. Someone once asked me for permission to sext me because he learned it was a common thing in North America. It’s a gross feeling. I feel objectified, fetishized and, above all else, used. It has an ill-effect on how inland-born Asian women see me as well. I’m being stalked by a couple girls in Singapore even though I’m on the other side of the world and others have banned their boyfriends from chatting/hanging out with me because they see me as a threat. One girl got mad because her boyfriend offered and drove me home when I was on crutches. Go figure.
One important thing I’ve learned during my travels is that one of the best ways to stay safe is by blending into the crowd and with the physical attributes I mentioned, it’s been pretty hard for me in the last year. I wish I knew what made me a target for my accident in Bali. While some people tell me it was probably due to the way I dressed, others told me that it was simply because I looked East Asian and therefore was assumed that I was a rich girl. Two reasons, one within my control and one not; regardless, standing out puts me at high risk for thefts, scams, and danger in general. I stand out like a sore thumb and I think that’s also the reason why I am always ‘randomly’ selected for screening at the airport. I don’t know whether or not look shady but I always get the drug swab and the additional pat-down.
People always ask me for the time, for directions and to help them take a picture. It’s so strange. It happens so often that it gets pretty irritating. I walk away when I see a touristy-looking family pull out a camera because I know I’m the one they’re going to ask for help. The difference between my experience and those of my friends are pretty striking. I had a conversation about this with a girlfriend, Sonia, who told me that when she travels, people seldom approach her for directions, the time, etc. She attributes it to her ‘resting-bitch-face’. I attribute it to her witch-y aesthetic. I have to admit, I was pretty intimidated when I saw her and our friendship wouldn’t have been where it is today if it wasn’t for her speaking to me first, haha. Anyways, I think the easy-to-perceive characteristics come together for each person to create a degree of approachability. Despite my tattoos, Sonia thinks I have a high approachability factor because I have a happy disposition and I seem like a friendly person which I guess encourages strangers to talk to me.
I don’t experience a lot of racism, at least at a face-to-face basis but I have had my share of unfortunately situations. Strange enough, the most racism I have experienced in my life has been in Vancouver, where I’ve been told to go back to my own country (funny, because I was born in Canada). I do, however, experience more mild forms of racism and a lot of reverse racism. It really bothers me when people assume I am a certain ethnicity without asking me first. I get a lot of ‘nee-hao’s and ‘konnichiwa’s from strangers when I’m walking by, especially if they are trying to sell me something. Funny how people never ask me if I like French automatically assume I like sushi and bubble tea. I know most people are trying to be friendly but frankly, it’s a little presumptuous and that offends me. This racism isn’t restricted to non-Asians. A lot of people who make these assumptions of me are Asian themselves, speaking to me in Chinese without knowing whether I understand or not. Why can’t people ask first? In cities that are predominately very white, people always ask me where I’m from. Even if I’m minding my own business like buying something at the store, or just eating at a restaurant, I get that question all the time. Most people expect me to name an Asian country and they’re always in awe when I say I’m from Toronto. I also often get told “your English is really good” or “it really surprised me that you don’t have an accent”. A stranger at a Walmart went out of their way tell me the latter phrase when he overheard me asking staff where to find something.
Apart from the racial prejudices, I’d say that more often than not, preconceived perceptions of who I am as a person work in my favour. I’m pretty shy to approach people so it’s pretty easy to make friends if they’re approaching me first and now I’m fortunate to have a few friends in a few different cities. A trip to the bar is always an interesting one; people can quickly figure out that I’m not from around town so even though they ask that dreaded question of where I’m from, the usually conversation is harmless and I end up having a very interesting night with some quick tips on where to hit up in town. Sometimes if it’s with the bartender, it means a cocktail on the house! I can’t deny there are certain charms of being a travelling young girl. 😉 Anyways, learned some quick tips from someone who seemed to have mastered avoiding strangers talking to them (thanks Sandia!):
- Walk with headphones/earphones in
- Walk fast
- Walk with purpose
- Don’t make eye-contact with people.
- (and I think it would be helpful to) Practice resting-bitch-face
RE: What makes me smile?
I’m sure this question is difficult for everyone. I’ve been feeling down the last couple of days but I’m going to give it a shot.
I don’t exactly know what it is but when I think about my highest peaks of happiness, it involves me interacting with wild animals. It’s a fleeting happiness; it’s extremely short-lived but I don’t think I can think of anything that makes me happier at a single moment. From taking pictures of them, to simply watching them do their thing, to getting as close as I possibly can to them and possibly touching them. Is that strange? I’ve been trying to link it to a childhood experience but the closest thing can think of is my Gr. 3 obsession with Pokemon and I’m pretty sure it’s not that. Even before then I was carrying around animal books and running around catching grasshoppers and lizards.
My two absolute happiness moments in my life were either catching frogs in Ubud, Bali or feeding pigeons in Plaça de Catalunya, Barcelona. For the Bali frogs, I remember having one in each hand, laughing hysterically in a dark pathway at night. I’m sure locals thought I was crazy and tourists thought I may have been a witch. I was even planning how many I could put in my knapsack to take back to my place (they had a beautiful outdoor shower + bathtub) but my good senses kicked in… and I only took two back. Of course, I let them go after watching them for a bit. For the Barcelona pigeons, I was so happy that I couldn’t help but cry when I had four, five pigeons eating for my hand at a time. I loved doing that so much, we went back and I fed them again on a separate occasion.
It’s kind of scary to think that perhaps no human can make me happier than an animal can. I don’t even understand this part of myself so I don’t expect others to understand it either. Don’t get me wrong; I know it’s bad. I know a lot of people who are really against all interaction with wildlife and I feel extremely guilty about it. I’m learning to better behave myself; you won’t catch me feeding bears or taking animals home anymore. I’ve been channeling my strange obsession to simply taking photographs and collecting skulls. It’s one of my longterm dreams to get a snazzy camera and shoot NatGeo-quality one day.
I think a more persisting kind of happiness and my biggest go-to is discovering and experiencing new things. I love seeing new places, eating new things, meeting new people and putting myself in situations that excite me in general. I think this goes hand-in-hand with learning about cultures which I also enjoy doing. I like to spend everyday doing something new. I don’t do it so much when I’m in Toronto although I do generally try to spend the night out and do something interesting on the weekends given the money and time. But when I’m out of town, believe me, I go full out. I think it’s pretty easy for me to find appreciation in all places, even those that deserve a little more love. Of course, there are only so many new things in this world and what I end up doing it chasing that high, spending a lot of money on flights, food and things in general. I want to eat as many different things (especially sweets, bring me all the sweets), see as much as I can, and have as many different conversations before I hit the ground.
I have accepted that I’m a materialist and I I love material things. I grew up in a low-income family and I spent a lot of my childhood wearing pre-owned clothing and using donated things from stores like Value Village (a thrift store here). I was often bullied for being poor and I am very much aware that those experiences might have left a psychological impact on me. I, myself, don’t like to see my possessions as a crutch; they bring joy to my life and things like apparel give me confidence and comfort that I need in my life. I’m sure the guys of The Minimalists would have a lot to say to me. When I come back from a trip, I seriously sit around my home and just bask in my stuff. Stuff upon stuff. I keep a lot of things that remind me of someone or of some occurrence in my life and reflecting on past experiences makes me happy. The grape drink medicine box from Tippling Club that was given to me still makes me smile. I don’t necessarily see it as an unhealthy habit. It by no means stops me from appreciating non-material values. In fact, I think wanting things makes me work harder and smarter to get those things and it just ends up keeping me on my toes. Some people are happier to have work less and have less stuff but I go right the other way. I will work a million times harder to get what I want. I guess you could call me a go-getter. I think part of the happiness comes from staying true to myself. I try not to deprive myself of the things that bring me joy and comfort.
Along with staying true to myself, I am obsessed with productivity. There’s something about getting things done or checking things off my to-do list that is just so fulfilling. It feels good. (There are dangers about this from a book I’m reading called Smarter, Faster, Better by Charles Duhigg) Maybe that’s why I’m running all the time. They say exercise produces endorphins, endorphins boost productivity. I think being productive is just a way of convincing myself that I am making good use of my time. Also, I like seeing myself get better at something. Who doesn’t?
I am definitely less dependent on people than the typical person. I don’t get lonely easily and I enjoy doing a lot of things on my own. However, I am really grateful for the friends I have. I seldom get to spend enough time with the people I like most either because I’m preoccupied with commitments or it’s a flight away and I often feel guilty for not investing more time on them. It doesn’t help that I don’t enjoy chatting via text or online. I think my closer friends have accepted and understood that part of me but sometimes I worry that people feel disconnected from me because I don’t keep touch in that way. I’m also afraid that some of my favourite people don’t even know how much I value them; I’m just simply too shy to tell them so and I don’t really know to express it. I miss my friends often but I seldom ever tell them. I’m going to put more effort into seeing friends after the end of the con season is over.
I’m at the end of this and I do have to say that writing about the things that make me happy makes me feel a lot better. Thanks. +we’ll leave the business endeavours for our top-secret discussions. owo
Rolls and Punches: My first trail race experience
I am writing from Manitoba! This weekend here I took on my first race out of Toronto and my first-ever trail race in Birds Hill Provincial Park with the Summer Trail Series. I will include more information about these Manitoban series of races at the end of this post but for now I simply want to focus on my run experience which I hope will be particularly helpful for friends who want to tackle their first trail run in the future!
I have always preferred running on trails or trail-like environments over urban settings. I am easily frustrated by stoplights and traffic, plus I love the idea of catching sight of wild animals that are less commonly seen. However, a long trail run is a totally different monster from a long paved run. The race I undertook was 10km long and the strongest impression it left on me was that it was much harder than I expected. Personally, this run was more difficult for me to tackle than a half marathon. To be fair, I did not have much preparation; I found out that I would be running this race pretty late so the only practice I managed to fit into my schedule was a single 10km sidewalk run. But even then, I am usually very confident in running a regular 10km and I fully expected that I would complete the race in under 55 minutes when I ended up taking 1 hour and 18 minutes. Even on my laziest runs, I may go as slow as 6:30/km but I couldn’t even do that. To be prepared for a trail race, one definitely needs to train trail. I was running on terrain that I had never run on before; I found myself running over dirt, rocks, grass, over and under logs, while avoiding branches and various wild animal poop. The ups and downs are much steeper than I have ever experienced in an urban setting and never-ending turns demolished my calves. Thus, although I really wanted to stay under an hour, it was pretty hard when I was also trying hard not to kill myself. I did in fact fall once, along with a million stumbles, but no harm done. Aside from the fact that it was extremely challenging, it was still a stunning experience and I would do it all over again but with more preparation the next time around.
So what differences did I experience on this trail race from that of the typically paved race?
The most obvious difference was the environment itself. To my naivety, I thought that the differences would place a negligible effect on my run time. Big mistake. I was basically off by a half hour. There were so many factors that played a hand in slowing me down including the varying terrain, the topsy turvy path, slowing down to pass someone or to be passed, etc. This trail also involved climbing over one log and ducking under two. I slowed down at the turns and I hesitated at a couple of steep drops, also going down them at a slower pace. The trail environment took a lot of my focus away from pace was watching where to place my feet in avoiding branches, big rocks and poop (animal, of course). Even looking for the path markers took a little focus off too. There are a lot of markers to look for as it is very easy to accidentally run off a trail if one isn’t paying attention. Putting my cautions up, I ended up running at an extremely slow pace. I am also a pretty clumsy individual and I don’t lift my feet up very high when I walk or run so I think the shift in setting placed an especially significant effect on me. I took it very easy on the run and I also couldn’t help but slow down a few times to marvel at beautiful views and even stopped to take pictures of some amazing sights, including the ones in this post. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to spot any wild mammals but I got to see the giant dragonflies that I remember. They are very memorable as I got bit catching one last year… I’ll write about that another time. I recently learned that they are bred and then released to control the mosquito population. Cool, hm?
I’d say the environmental positives outweigh the negatives. People have their own preferences and I definitely know that forested environments are mine which is precisely the kind of trail this was. It was also a bonus for me that it was an evening run. There is something about running through the woods that makes running a more tranquil and meditative experience for me. The surrounding sounds are relaxing (doesn’t the sound of traffic just stress you out?) and I get to avoid all the typical interruptions of a sidewalk run. The air is nicer and running between trees kept me shaded and cool. Running in a forested environment also meant tripping on branches and rocks, getting scratched up, and getting bit by bugs but of course there are ways to work around most of these things such as wearing proper footwear, leggings, and applying bug repellant.
While this run had the mental effect of making me super cautious, there was also a very physical effect as it was much rougher on the muscles. Although the organizers state that trail running shoes are not absolutely necessary, I felt extremely fortunate that I had proper trail running shoes because this run destroyed my calves which were continually trying to compensate for lack of traction, the never-ending turns that go every which way, the extremely steep ups and downs and any combination of those conditions at the same time. I couldn’t imagine running with any less traction that I had. (Nor can I imagine running with mud; thank god it didn’t rain) My calves were definitely not used the sharp turns; I was throwing weight from one side to the other so quickly, just to do another sharp turn a few steps down. Likewise, my quads felt the pressure on the hills and from continually pull my legs higher up to avoid branches and larger rocks. Balance is also very much an aspect that is also particular to trail running. During a regular paved run, I wouldn’t think twice about balance but here, my ankles were often caught in so many different positions and I really have to gauge my speed when taking a turn to avoid smashing into a tree. Taking on the unexpected, I very much had to roll with the punches and twists of this race.
The shoes I used were Adidas Terrex Trailmaker GTX shoes and they served me well as I did not slip at all. (They’re on sale right now, go go go!)
Another big difference are the increased bottlenecks. Bottlenecks are part of almost ever race. Even by structuring wave groups, organizers can’t fully eradicate them, especially at the start of the run. But beside the start, bottlenecks have never been a problem for me and even though there are a lot of people to run along, it is pretty easy to weave through them (I find it pretty fun, actually). Bottlenecks , however, are definitely more of an issue during a trail race run. The path is only so wide so firstly, runners have to slowly funnel into the trail and secondly, weaving isn’t so much an option as everyone is basically running in single file. As a result, runners have an obligation to help each other pass so they can do their best.
I arrived late and started running when everyone had already begun so I personally did not have to deal with too many bottleneck issues. I had to pass a few people once I caught up but those were pretty easy to do especially when runners were so friendly about it. Many runners simply stopped before I even got close and many of them followed up with words of encouragement like “Good job!” I think it would be good to know so here’s the etiquette on passing and being passed: Passing will usually involve squeezing past someone but only when there is enough room to safety do so. It helps to give a verbal warning (e.g. “passing on your left!”) so the other runner can be aware and give a go-ahead.. This also means it helps to keep music at a lower volume to hear runners coming back from behind. If being passed, it does not mean one has to stop running (although you have the option to). It simply means avoiding from being an obstacle to other runners who are trying to pass usually by moving as close to the right side as possible. A additional cool tip from the organizers is to take advantage of the first few paved meters to speed ahead if you are a strong runner as it will mean less passing to do later. Conversely, it also means that overtaking too aggressively is a bad idea if you are not as strong of a runner.
There were some other minor differences, surprises and ramblings I’d like to make about this run, mostly insignificant notes so short path end here, for the long path, keep going.
I flew in at 11:30am and the race started at 6:45pm so it gave me a little bit of time to nap before my run but I guess I slept a little too long because I arrived late. More importantly, I was late because I did not account park size in my travel time. I didn’t realize just how vast Birds Hill Park was until I was actually within it. It took 15 minutes just to be driven from one side to the other. I guess I should have known better given it is a provincial park. As I stepped out of the taxi (it was a $60 cab ride; Winnipeg, pray for Uber), I watched everyone take off from the running line. It wasn’t much if a bother to me and I didn’t really mind running the race late. In fact, I think was a nice experience skipping out on starting line nerves, bottlenecks and to basically run solo until I caught up with some runners. The only real repercussion of arriving late is having an inaccurate time recorded online but that in itself isn’t much of a matter when I can easily record time on my own. Speaking of which, look how crazy my Strava map is:
As the race started at 6:45pm, I expected to be running in the dark but all through it and to the end, the sun was still up in the sky. I looked it up afterwards and apparently the sun doesn’t even start setting in the area until 9:30 at night. I heard that it gets darker quicker for the runs towards the end of summer and that the organizers encourage people to bring headlamps.
There was a small number of runners (last year they had around 80 runners in a race). It may be attributed to my social anxiety but it was extremely refreshing to run with fewer people around. The community seemed super close knit and everyone just seemed to know everyone else when gathering at the end of it. I think I must have been the only person who went to run alone.
The race took place at a provincial park and there was no way people would have it if runners threw plastic dipped paper cups all over the place after taking a sip of water. Additionally the organizers encouraged to reduce general race-waste so runners were expected to bring their own bottles for water stations along the run. Amazing stuff! I don’t like baggage (physical and emotional >wo) so I didn’t bring any along with me but they had plastic cups at the end so I could fortunately rehydrate myself. Mountain Dew had never tasted so good but it also meant that I didn’t sleep the same night because I forgot that Mountain Dew has substantial amount of caffeine and I’m caffeine sensitive. Did you know it’s double a Coke? What the hell?
Fortunately someone was kind enough to bring me back to the city so I didn’t have to take a taxi back the other way. We caught sight of the setting sun on the way and it was the most beautiful I have ever seen.
Got the shot but couldn’t capture the beauty.
Those are my simple notes as a trail-running newbie. I hope they are helpful or, at the very least, interesting in one way or another. The best way to train for a trail run is definitely to train in trail settings to build muscle strength and simply to prepare for the environment and conditions themselves. I am looking forward to running different type of trail races such as alpine and coastal runs in the future.. My muscles will be recovering in the next couple of days and I think my tailbone took a hit so I’m waiting that out too… but hopefully I should be up and ready for a Winnipeg run on Monday!
About the race
My run was the first of three races of The Summer Trail Series, organized by Trail Run Manitoba. There was a choice between a shorter 6km path and a longer 10km path. The races are held on Thursday evenings and the idea behind their scheduling is to allow people to run in between their other summer adventures. This was the precisely why I was able to run it; usually my summer weekends are completely booked up. What an amazing idea — I love it! The runs are sold out for 2017 but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to get in; many people are trading and selling off their bibs on the Trail Run Manitoba Facebook page and that’s how I managed to join the run myself. More information on these races are here: www.summertrailseries.com