self project(ion)

Do you think I lack empathy?

“I think you have a tendency to seem disinterested or cold. Which could be interpreted as lack of empathy. But no, I don’t think you lack empathy. Not more than the average person.”

“…I’d say yeah a little bit. I think you have different priorities then the norm that makes you that way… I think you’re a little more selfish due to the fact that you’re always trying to get ahead of the game and improve yourself so you just have a different way of thinking.”

“Hm well i dunno if you lack it or you simply choose not to show it. But sometimes i wish you did? Lol … I think you’ve grown negativily in certain aspects over these past few years.”

“Your family exhibited no examples of empathetic concern. Your template is flawed. It’s awfully hard to re-learn how to approach the world when you’re an adult – once those coping mechanisms have ossified and you’ve managed to find survival strategies that mostly work.”

butter burger

Didn’t finished writing this one at the time it was relevant so this is a few days late.

Have to say I feel pretty gross right now. Just came back from eating a burger from Kopp’s (not Copps as I had previously written). I was definitely expecting my body to react poorly but didn’t think I’d have that bad of a feeling until maybe a washroom trip… My stomach feels like there’s a balloon of air within it just sitting on top of everything I just ate. Kopp’s was definitely was an American experience. You walk in, and all the employees are wearing bowties and paper hats like it was the 1950s. The counter was super industrial — long, stainless-steel, and I thought it really dramatized that whole factory-style burger-pumping culture of the fast-food industry. The sheer number of people coming in and burgers coming out was pretty amazing to see. I ordered a cheeseburger, the works. It was $5  burger and it took me an $11 Uber ride to get there, one way. I wouldn’t say that the burger was worth it, but the experience definitely was. I can’t say I’ve seen a burger joint of its kind before. Something about the whole place just felt distinctly American. The burger itself was pretty standard except the patty’s grilled on a shit-ton of butter. As soon as I got my order, the grease was already soaking through the paper bag that it was put in. Like the girl I am, I stood at my standing table, eating my burger with plastic fork and knife. I barely ate the bun. I’m sure people were judging. Whatever. The burger was pretty tasty but it was like my body knew something was wrong after a few bites. Other than that, it was a pretty normal burger. The only other subtle differences were that the burger was wider and the patty was thinner (more surface area of the patty on the tongue?). I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat it again; I would much prefer a beefchuck burger cooked rare or something.

Finished off with dessert there, of course. Kopp’s is know for their custard which is essentially ice-cream but there are some eggs mixed in there. It’s not enough to add any sort of eggy-flavour but it definitely makes it denser and subtly grainy. The flavour I got was cherry amaretto cheesecake. I made the mistake of ordering it in a waffle cone because it ended up being huge… but marvellous nonetheless. Plenty of cheesecake chunks… I couldn’t help myself and I finished the damned thing. Was supposed to head out for some wine for my last night there but not feeling so good, I just headed back, just in case, you know?

Jeez, I’m such an experience junkie. I’ll put myself in physical or mental discomfort just to try something new or novel even. Satisfy the craving, then die.

morel

I had such a fun night yesterday night. God. Found a spot at the bar to have dinner and I found myself having a field day with the staff and a couple of other customers for the whole evening. Got introduced and shook hands with everyone front of house and ended up staying a couple hours past close until midnight, chatting and drinking the night away. Everyone just loved me. I’m not gonna lie; I couldn’t help but like the attention.

When I first walked in, the host asked me if I was just coming from the anime convention. After taking a half second to check I wasn’t wearing my badge, I was instantly offended at that assumption (because I’m Asian?) and I asked what made him think that. He told me it was my shirt. My shirt is what I think a very normal graphic tee. It features a three headed zombie and maybe a tiny tiny bit of Japanese (I don’t think he could of seen it with my jacket on). But it doesn’t look Animeish at all. Whatever.

Sat down. The neighbor to my right was really chatty and pretty obnoxious but he didn’t stay for long. The guy I chat with sitting across from me (I was sitting at a corner) was a regular who goes every Saturday. He was pretty cool and even helped me order the star plates from appys to sweets. First ordered a Treasure Chest, essentially a Bijou and I think the bar staff were quickly impressed that I recognized the classic from the ingredients. As soon as they found out I loved gin and I thought Monkey 46 was ‘just okay’, I got treated to a St. George gin flight. And Christ, St. George Terroir was something else. Super earthy and super strong notes of Douglas fir. FUCK. I have a new favorite and I’m surprised to say it’s an American gin. I intend to bring it home if I find it. Spent the night indulging myself, yet again. A butter biscuit with honey, ham and pork belly (so truly American), lamb carpaccio, a giant pork chop, salted caramel mousse and a scoop of plum sorbet. And god, I got spoiled with drinks. A Bruto Americano shot and a couple of more things to better acquaint me we with American spirits. What a treat. We ended the night, four of us, sharing a Bijou with the Terroir. I loved it. (I just realized I’m still recovering from a cold… I probably shouldn’t have done that.)

I’m gonna take some suggestions they gave me in help of finding real Milwaukan(?) things. Tonight I’m supposed to be looking for something called a Butter Burger and custard, a frozen dessert at a place called Copps. And if I have room after that, I’ll be heading to a place called Balzac.

//

Woke up in the middle of the night with my contacts in, clothes and makeup on. Shocked the hell out of me. Jeez.

burgers in a bag, ego in a cube.

Currently in Milwaukee. I had a very interesting breakfast at a local chain called George Webb. Your average North American diner with its retro fixings. I sat myself down at the counter. Took a while for me to get service but when I did, I ordered steak, eggs, and hash. The server asked me how I’d like my eggs. I said sunny side up. He proudly told me that he knew I was going to say that. He told me that as soon as he saw an Asian girl, he knew that there was no way that I’d order my eggs scrambled. I can’t help but feel intrigued by this evaluation. Before I spoke with him, I saw my neighbour receive her plate and noticed that she had ordered scrambled eggs. I was just thinking to myself how M would really like them and how I’d never order eggs, scrambled, for breakfast. For me it’s always between over-easy and sunny.

“White bread?”

I wondered if my server thought that Asians tended to order a certain kind of bread too..

Also saw this ridiculous this on the menu:

BUGERS IN A BAG

Your choice of seven classic George Webb hamburgers or seven delicious cheeseburgers in a convenient take-out package.

7 Cheeseburgers 410 cal/each — 12.95

7 Burgers 350 cal/each —11.50

Welcome to America.

//

I’ve been carrying and playing with my Rubix cube a lot more these days. The one that A gave me. I’ve been leaving it on the table, unsolved, or half-solved and many people who come by ask me if they could play with it. I’m often asked if I need help solving it. And some people act that they were doing me some sort of favour when they’re done with it. One person didn’t remember how to finish it from where I left off. Ego in a cube. After one person solves it, I mess it all up again and put it back where it was.

Alexandria

Here I go, running on virtually no sleep again. I caught two flights this week and they both took off around 5AM so I’ve been able to squeeze in two, three hours of sleep at the most on the following nights. I’m left too brain-dead to read, play Rubix and probably too brain-dead to blog but I wanna keep myself occupied.

I spent the last couple of days in Alexandria, VA. My first-ever boyfriend once lived here. He’s married now and has a couple of kids. He’s still living in Virginia, but maybe an hour and a half away. We’ve kept touch over so many years and so we tried to coordinate meeting up yesterday but I just had too much on my plate and we had to call it off. Bummed out about that.

Caught lunch around old town and had a bit of time to check out the George Washington Masonic Memorial. Didn’t know what to expect inside and I wouldn’t have normally done so with a building so intimidating but for some reason, I stepped out of comfort zone and just went for it. Grateful that I did. It was just a museum dedicated to George Washington. There was a magnificent bronze statue of him in the main hall that I was very happy to see.  I learned yesterday that Alexandria was named after an existing city in Egypt and that the construction of Masonic Memorial was based off of drawings of a once-existing ancient lighthouse in Egypt’s Alexandria. Scale-wise it’s a lot smaller but practicality first, of course. Cool, right? 

Have to say I love American food. Portions are a little too much but Christ, these guys have a lot of things that we don’t have much of back home, especially BBQ restaurants and creole restaurants. Been dying to try burnt ends but they’re always sold out by the end of the day. Missed out on them in Tampa too. Fuck, I gotta get around to it. It’s my American dream.

Also, I found these in the grocery store the other day.

Wonderful low-fat yogurt.

si può morir!

Having a pretty awful day. Barely any sleep, accidentally left my makeup behind, ended up spending $200+ more than I needed to and going through check-in/security was atrocious. Thank god the flight was delayed or I don’t think I would have made it. It’s all because carry-on restrictions are a lot more strict at Pearson now. I had a soft, malleable, standard-sized duffle that had to be checked in because it was outside the dimension limits. And all that was essentially in it was was a blanket. It’s compressible. I would have been able to fold it onto itself but it was still rejected. They used some sort of device that weighs and measures your carry-on. Fuck that machine. But it’s done and over with. No matter.

Anyways, happy Valentine’s Day to whomever! Below are a collection of my favourite love songs from different genres, in the order of opera, post-hardcore, blues, progressive rock, punk rock and something from a musical: