Something you may not know about me: I’m actually a pretty cynical, negative and hateful person. It may not seem like it, but I bottle up a lot of things that make me unhappy. I can’t help but lay awake in bed thinking about all scummy people in the world. And I’m not talking just about people that have personally done something to me. I’m talking about people who are just bad souls in general. The scamming buddhist monks at Union Station and scamming black history guys at Dundas square, the people who rip off other people’s IP work, gay-haters, people who are just fake. FUCK. They all make me so angry. When I’m sitting still, those kind of things take up my thinking space and just waste my energy. I ponder about how people get that way or how those people can live with themselves, etc. I can’t help it. I’ve been trying to change that part of me and writing, kind of like a meditative activity, helps me move away from all that. Writing isn’t the only thing that allows me to do that; it’s actually being productive in general but whenever I’m required to sit still for a while like on a plane, airport, or selling things behind a table, it’s the best available option for me.
I’ve actually been writing journals and logging ever since I was in elementary school, around 7th grade. I think getting an agenda in high school kind of further spurred it. From dream journals, to Livejournal, to food blogging, to personal blogs on Blogger, I’ve never really been away from it. I don’t know why I ever started or kept it going but I’m happy I did. It really puts into perspective how much I’ve changed as a person when I look back at my old writings. I had been the most prolific during high school and early years in university, when I was logging every single day. When I read those writings, everything is different: the way I wrote, the things I wrote about, even the pen strokes themselves.
Some major differences I found: I used a lot of exclamation marks and emoticons; I didn’t really write about how I was feeling or what I thought of things, I just kind of recapped what I did, what I ate, and who I was with; and things definitely seemed to excite me easier (explains the emoticons). I guess I’m becoming a little jaded from simple things and I’ve been chasing some sort of adventure high.
It’s definitely very different from the writing that I do now. More and more, I think I’m getting in touch with my emotions and who I am as a person. It hasn’t been until the recent months that I’ve used writing as something that keeps me both distracted and on track but it’s been really fulfilling since I started. I’ve noticed that I’m slowly getting better at writing which pretty cool. It takes me less time to find the right words and the right sentences to convey what I am thinking and it’s also helped me improve being able to recap things and have nice writing flow. I wish I was more eloquent in person but I’ve been slowly trying to work on that as well.
I definitely recommend writing as an outlet for creativity, getting in tune with yourself and maybe like me, just to keep things off the mind. What I’d really like to do for myself is set more time to write about my travels as they happen so I can have a better account of things. Fortunately, I’ll most likely be able to do that within the next few days and weeks. I’m writing from Salt Lake City right now and I’m on my way to trek up the mountains. I’m pretty excited. Portland and Vancouver will be next on the list. So check back soon if you’re curious about those! From Mormons to hipsters to Asians, this is going to be a blast!