dependency.
I’ve been a little too dependant on melatonin these last few days. It’s bad. Now it’s tough falling asleep without it and it feels too good to let it up so easily. I sound like I’m on meth. I’m currently fighting the urge to take it tonight but I’m not doing very well.
S. & M. told me that my blog has been really depressing lately. I haven’t really realized how dismal it was until I scrolled through it. Jeez. 80-year old future-me is going to be very disappointed. I guess the majority of times I come here, I’m either 1) in a bad mood because I can’t sleep; 2) ranting or complaining about something or 3) posting a poem I thought up while I was in bad mood because I couldn’t sleep. Should I start putting in some positive things on here? Is this blog really for me? Or is this for the public?
Who fucking knows.
Someone else said to me this week:
“Question is: should I be reading them? I know it sounds silly but to me it sounds like a diary and I feel that it pretty personal… I dunno? Doesn’t feel right to me.”
Didn’t realize I was affecting people with such negative feelings. It definitely has a much different response than my previous blogs… I don’t know what I’m going to do with this reception but I guess I’ll keep it in mind. I don’t think it’ll stop me from writing depressing poems or ranting but I’m starting to question the whole theme of inpsalmnia. Is it really conducive to anything or anyone?
cont’d in the next post…
password: name the best bird.