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Inklings of Ink: Life after getting tattoos

 

Life has been pretty different after being all inked up. So far I just have a sleeve; it’s not like I have a full body suit or anything… yet. But people who meet me post-tattoo already treat me so differently from those before any of this — that’s the most obvious change. As I mentioned in a previous post, even before my tattoos, I find myself being the person that people stop to ask for directions or the time, etc. Maybe I look non-threatening and friendly or something but I’d help someone out and that would be that. If I had to make an assumption before getting any tattoos, I would have thought that getting inked up would make me look unapproachable and maybe intimidating enough for people not to approach me. But it’s the opposite thing that’s happening — more strangers will speak to me and I end up having more conversations with people I don’t know on a daily basis. Let me be clear — these changes didn’t really start with my first couple of pieces. I started with one on my back and then another on my shoulder but as soon as it grew down and past my elbow, I really started experiencing different ways people were treating me.

People often use my tattoos as a starting point of conversation or to keep the conversation going when they run out of things to talk about when they first meet me. It’s become embedded into almost all my interactions when meeting someone new. Sometimes it’s tiring because I always get the same questions, including what the meaning is behind them, whether it hurt, or simply just getting a compliment on them. (I’ll answer some FAQs at the end of so you don’t have to ask me.) I’ve definitely become jaded from getting compliments. I have a set of automatic responses when people ask or compliment me for my tattoos. Sometimes I feel like a robot, saying the same pre-programmed messaged over and over and over again.

The rate that I get hit on definitely has shot up. You have no idea how many times guys tell me that they came over from across the street just to tell me how cool my tattoos look and then proceed to have a conversation with me. I feel like when some desperate guys see me now, they don’t see a girl; they see an Asian girl with tattoos — how exotic, she must be wild! Ugh. Please stop fetishizing me. And it’s strange because at the same time, I’ve have been told a few times that people are shy to approach me; new friends tell me they think I look intimidating, and they’d expect me to be cold and mean when they first see me. The crazy nails don’t help. But once people spend some time talking to me, they realize I’m just a tough-looking dork.

People often touch me now, which is very disconcerting. “Wow, your tattoo is amazing!”… and in the same second, I’ll feel two hands gripping me and someone inspecting me like they’re inspecting for mold on a piece of fruit. I guess this is how pregnant people feel… except they’d be watermelons or something.

I find that the more and more tattoos I get, people start paying less attention to the individual pieces and start looking at me and my tattoos as a whole. People will see me for a split second, they see the colours and the line work and say “Wow, cool tattoos!” and then “What are they?” before the next second ends. It’s not a bad thing — it’s not like I mind looking cool simply for having a lot of tattoos. It’s just interesting to experience the general reactions/impression towards them as I’m fairly new to this. Not used to people staring at my in more conservative cities though… I wonder how different people will treat me when I have tattoos all over my arms and legs…

There have been a couple of other personal changes in my life that really took me by surprise. I definitely have a higher pain tolerance now. For those of you who don’t know, I broke my ankle when someone tried to mug me when I was travelling in Bali. People tell me that it might have been the adrenaline, but it didn’t even compare to getting a tattoo. Getting a tattoo is like a searing, in-the-gut pain and over several hours at that. If I had to describe it, it’s like getting cut with a dull, hot knife, sometimes in the most tender areas of the body. Most times when I get myself hurt, it’s quick and simply a surface wound. Now I find myself shrugging off pain.

I’ve also changed up my wardrobe. I’d say I’m wearing a sweater 90% of the time now. I keep my tattoos covered up, out of the sun to keep them from fading and to make sure the colours stay vibrant. Also, I don’t think my parents know that I have a sleeve yet (unless they stalk my Instagram) so I’m delaying the time in which I have to have that conversation with them. I think I’m doing pretty well so far. I used to think I had a pretty bad sweater addiction but now it’s pretty ridiculous. I’ve been told it seems pretty silly to get tattoos only to cover them up all the time but whatever — they’re more for me than they are for anyone else. When I’m not wearing a sweater, I find I have to do a lot more color-coordinating now. My tattoos are very colourful. And it’s not like I wore colorful clothing before but even now when I wear something that isn’t black, white or grey, I have to be careful because they might clash with the colours on my arm. I also have to take into consideration the cut of the clothes so it frames my tattoo well. For example, off-shoulder dresses only look good on me if it’s on the shoulder of my bare arm.

I definitely have a different understanding of tattoos now. I think it’s hard for those who don’t have any to wrap their heads around the idea of getting a tattoo simply because it looks cool or it’s just something you want on your body. To be honest, for people to assume my tattoos to have a specific meaning is pretty irritating. “So what’s the meaning behind it?” Not every tattoo needs to have a meaning, guys. There also seems to be an existing mental template of what a tattoo is supposed to be which I don’t get. People can’t seem to understand why I have a faceless zebra but they can understand when others have koi fish, feathers and owls, etc. Which leads to my next point… now, I definitely judge other people’s tattoos… a lot. Whether it’s about the content, the line work or the color, my eyes are always peeled on what other people have and I’m constantly forming ideas of what I like and what I don’t like for future reference. I’m not so fond of quotes, pop culture, or the stereotypical tattoos. I have a huge appreciation for animals and colour-work though.

Anyways… those are my inklings on ink. We’ll see what life brings me when I’m fully tatted up.

Here are some questions people always ask me:

“Did it hurt?”

Hell yeah it hurt. It is the second most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. The most painful was getting stitches removed.

“Do they have a meaning?”

I don’t know why but this question tires me out. But anyways, I’ll answer it again. My tattoos are more references than meanings for me. I don’t like to tell people the origin of the images until I reach a level of comfort with them.

Where did you get it done?

I don’t like to share my artist with just anyone but if you PM me and try asking, I’ll probably tell you.

“Are you going to get a full sleeve?”

I’d love to get my tattoos past my wrists and onto my hands but I think it will be a long while before I do that. I’ve managed to hide my tattoos from my parents for over two years now and I’m still doing it pretty well. I don’t think my parents would be overly upset about it or anything; I just don’t want to have that conversation with them. I also don’t think the professional workplace is ready for that either so until I land a steady career, I’ll be putting it off.

“Are you addicted or something?”

I don’t think I’m addicted to tattoos. I’ve always really liked the look of people all inked up and it’s only recently that I’ve simply decided to adopt the look. I am definitely not addicted to the pain; the pain is something I have to mentally prepare and force myself to go through.

“But Japanese onsen…”

Yeah, it sucks but that’s life, right?

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Smarter Faster Better, short and sweet.

I recently finished reading Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg, which I enjoyed (but not as much as his other book, The Power of Habit) and I want to put it down here, short and sweet, for anyone who wants to be better at being productive but not read. It talks about how we can improve at the everyday things that we do, focusing on how some people or companies can get so much done while others can’t. The central idea behind this is that most productive people don’t just act different but they approach the world with profoundly different views and choices. Duhigg boils it down to eight key concepts, divided in chapters. Here are the main lessons of each chapter:

1 — Motivation: Motivation is a skill that can be learned by training. According to researchers, the trick to gaining motivation is realizing that a prerequisite to motivation is believing that we have authority over our actions and our surroundings. By giving ourself a sense of control and by practicing in making choices, we can learn to exert willpower. For example, if you’re having trouble getting yourself to go out for a run, start by choosing what you’re going to wear; or if you’re having trouble writing an essay, start with the conclusion first. Motivation is triggered when we make choices that demonstrate to ourselves that we are in control. So in that sense, the specific choice we make matters less than the actual assertion of control.

The choices that are strongest in generating motivation are those that 1) convince us that we are in control and 2) endow our actions with a larger meaning.

Our capacity for self-motivation, like an skill, can fade and thus we need to train ourselves to make it a habit.

2 — Teams: (e.g. businesses, group projects, etc.) The best teams concern the ‘how’ and not the ‘who’. There isn’t a mandatory set of norms that a team needs in order to be successful; every one has a varying number and combination of different norms. However, good norms seem to share a common attribute of promoting “psychological safety” which consists of two things: 1) it creates a sense of togetherness and 2) it encourages people to feel safe enough to take chances in sharing ideas.

There are two behaviours that seem common in successful teams: 1) members spoke in roughly the same proportion and 2), they had a high average social sensitivity, i.e. the members were generally skilled at intuiting how members felt based on their tone of voice, how people held themselves, and the expressions on their faces.

Laszlo Bock , head of the People Operations department at Google identifies five key norms that good teams have:

  1. Teams need to believe that their work is important.
  2. Teams need to feel their work is personally meaningful.
  3. Teams need clear goals and defined roles.
  4. Team members need to know they can depend on one another.
  5. Most importantly, teams need psychological safety which is created when team leaders model the right behaviours.

3 — Focus: Automation has been embedded in the modern daily life and as it continues to increase, it allows our attention span to fail further and further. There are two main ways that our attention spans fail. The first kind of failure is through “cognitive functioning”, which causes people to become overly focused on whatever is directly in front of their eyes or become preoccupied with immediate tasks. We see this when a driver slams on his brakes when he sees a red light or when a mother stays glued to her phone as her baby cries. When this happens, we lose our ability to direct our focus and we respond to the most obvious stimuli available. The second kind of failure is through “reactive thinking”, which is a reaction or habit that we automatically use when presented with a certain situation. Sometimes this is useful; for example, for quarterbacks, who practice their sequences over and over again so they can execute plays faster than their opponents. But the downside of reactive thinking is that sometimes reactions and habits can become so automatic that they overpower clear judgement.

People who are particularly good at managing their focus tend to share certain characteristics. Among the most important is the propensity to create mental models, pictures in their minds of what they expect to see. In other words, they imagine situations before they actually occur, imagining future conversations, progression of events, etc. and when the situations do not materialize to the one they expect, their attention gets snagged. This kind of thinking helps us to work around the two main ways our attention gets snagged.

In business settings, sociologists and economists have studied how the most productive workers created mental models. They shared a number of traits, among them were taking on a smaller number of projects, those of which forced them to use new skills and meet new people; they also made lots and lots of theories in meetings about all kinds of topics.

4 — Goal Setting: The most accomplished people tend to have a strong need for “cognitive closure”, which psychologists define as “the desire for a confident judgement on an issue, any confident judgement, as compared to confusion and ambiguity”. They have a preference for personal organization, decisiveness and predictability. Having a high preference for cognitive closure has accompanying risks. These people are more likely to make hasty decisions and not rethink an unwise choice. Additionally they have cognitive impatience or impulsivity where they may leap to a judgement on the basis of inconclusive evidence and exhibit rigidity of thought and reluctance to entertain differing views from their own.

Certain ways of organizing goals can trigger our need for closure in counterproductive ways. For example, when we organize our goals and tasks into lists, we, in effect, allow our brains to seize on the sense of satisfaction that completing each task will deliver. We become obsessed with productivity and crossing things off a list instead of asking ourselves if it’s the right aim and looking at the big picture. When we’re overly focused on feeling productive, we become blind to details.

To help ourselves achieve goals, we need to be conscious of the type of goals we are making. If we make too audacious of a goal or too many goals, we are more likely to get discouraged and turn away from them. One solution to this is to pair long-term, bigger ambitious goals with short-term, realistic concrete goals. Studies have shown that by doing this, we are more likely to complete large objectives.

5 — Managing Others: Similar to the chapter on teams, we need to consider that it is the company culture that makes a company successful and not the product they sell. The most successful companies have a strong culture of commitment and trust between all employees, from lower-ranking to higher-ranking ones.

Having such a culture doesn’t guarantee success or the sale of a product but it ensures that the conditions are right when a right idea comes along.

6 — Decision Making: The best way to make decisions and predict the future is  through “probabilistic thinking”, which is to think of it at a series of possibilities. This is not to be confused with what someone hope will happen; we have to focus on what is more and less likely to occur. Being good at making decisions generally involves holding contradictory scenarios in our minds simultaneously.

Humans are astoundingly good at Bayesian thinking; we have an intuitive ability to predict patterns even though we may not have any specific, concrete data to refer to. We are able to have this sort of understanding based on simply living our lives and learning from past experiences even though it may be subconscious. We can further forecast the future by making assumptions and then adjusting them based on what we observe about the world. To become better at this, we need to make sure we are exposed to a full spectrum of experiences. The problem is that our experiences are often drawn on biased samples and more particularly, we are more likely to pay attention to and or remember successes. Newspapers tend to devote more coverage on start-ups and less on the hundreds of businesses that become bankrupt.  We are more likely to discuss among friends about the new hot restaurant that is opening up rather than those that have closed down. However, successful people spend a lot of time processing information on failures, creating a dialogue in their mind on why something didn’t go the way there were meant to. Accurate forecasting requires exposing ourselves to as many successes and disappointments as possible.

7 — Innovation: Creativity cannot be reduced to a formula but we can create certain conditions to help creativity flourish. To start, we can’t think of creativity too narrowly. Most original ideas grow out of old concepts and “the building blocks of new ideas are often embodied in existing knowledge”. This method is at the centrepiece in theories of creativity, whether in arts, the sciences or commercial innovation. By combining existing knowledge and materials, we tap into some of the greatest innovations.

There are three specific things that can increase the productivity of our creative process. The first is by being sensitive to our own experiences. Steve Jobs says the best designers are those who “have thought more about their experiences than other people”. By looking at our life as creative fodder we can broker these experiences  into the wider world.

Another condition which helps us become innovative is through “creative desperation”. When we’re caught in an emergency or a stressful situation, we are more likely to recognize discoveries hidden in our own experiences because necessity pushes us to. Emotions like panic and frustration are not always obstacles to our plans; they may be a boost, by being the condition that helps make us flexible enough to seize something new. “Effective brokers aren’t cool and collected. They’re often worried and afraid”.

It is generally a good thing to be enthusiastic about an idea but sometimes when a strong idea takes root, it can blind us from seeing alternatives. Thus, we should maintain distance from what we create; we require self-criticism, tension to gain other perspectives.

8 — Absorbing Data: In the past two decades, the amount of information that has become part of our lives has blown up and our ability to learn from it hasn’t necessarily kept pace with its proliferation. We are in a constant state of “information blindness”, an inability to take advantage of the abundant and available data. To overcome this, we need to understand that humans are exceptionally good at absorbing information so long as we can break data into a series of smaller and smaller pieces. This is otherwise known as “winnowing” or “scaffolding”. One way of doing this is manipulating information by transforming it into a sequence of questions to be answered or choices to be made, and thus making it easier to digest. Our brains are much more efficient at handling things that are reduced to two or three options.

Another way to better absorb data is to become very involved with the data we are dealing with. When information is made disfluent, we learn more. This means taking the time to use new words in sentences, writing notes down with a pencil and paper over using a computer, or even summarizing a non-fic on a blog! 😉 The best lessons are those that force us to do something and to manipulate information.

Something we need to be aware of is that once we have an initial frame for making a decision, we will usually a struggle to adopt an opposing viewpoint. The example used was a study where people were asked to list reasons to buy a VCR, they had trouble listing reasons not to buy a VCR when as to do so afterwards and the other way around. Once a frame is established, it seems that the context is hard to dislodge. What we need to do then, is force ourselves to seek new vantage points. One of the ways we can do this is to provide ourself a formal-making system such as flowcharts, a prescribed series of question to better see alternatives and thus, better absorb data.

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Today, at the airport.

Related to what I was writing about a couple of days ago…
Today, at the airport, I got my laptop ‘randomly’ swabbed and an older gentleman put their hand on my shoulder while making a joke about the soup in the lounge.

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pain, pain go away.

Been spending the weekend in a lot of pain… my tailbone has been killing me, especially when I've been trying to sleep. I'm currently on the floor with a bag of ice in my waistband and a pillow under my knees (instructions as per Google). Not exactly sure what's wrong with me but all I know is that something called "synovial cysts" are terrifying. I tend not to look up symptoms on Google because I just scare the shit out of myself. I will have to see a doctor in the next couple of days if it soon doesn't recover on it's own…
5:29AM

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Yes, I’m Asian now stop saying ni hao to me — RE: Do you experience any prejudice while travelling?

Title’s borrowed from Vice because there’s no better way for me to express how I feel. I can’t stress how much I like this as a topic to write about. I think it is especially relevant after a short trip in Winnipeg. To answer this frankly, my answer is yes, I experience a lot of prejudice when I am travelling. I think everyone will have a very different experience from one another by how they act, how they dress or simply because of how they look, etc. but I think I especially get a lot more of the strange behaviours from people. It’s a love-hate relationship but the perks generally outweigh the disadvantages. I think Asian girls (East-Asian, in particular) have it easier than people of other ethnicities; I can relate to mild forms of racism but not enough for it to be any detriment to my daily life. I’m actually quite thankful of my experiences with prejudice; they better equip me for future situations and they make good stories to tell.

I’m going to start off with my general experiences when I travel. Strangers always talk to me. In many cities, I think people see me as an ‘exotic’; I’m an Asian girl, with silver/blond hair, with a tattoo sleeve, usually with crazy nails and I can’t say I dress conservatively either. In some cities, I simply feel like I stand out because of the way I dress but in other cities, I feel totally out of place with everything combined and I find a lot of people staring at me and looking me up and down in cities like Winnipeg, Calgary, Seattle and Boston to name a few. I’m sure I look bizarre or eccentric to people in those cities so strangers off the street will approach me to start conversations with me. Usually, it will be to ask or complement me about my tattoos and as you would expect, most them are men who are trying to pick me up. (Life has been very different after getting a tattoo +I’ll be writing a post about that sometime after.) I often get asked where I’m from which leads to a conversation about why I’m in town… to what I’m doing at night… to whether I need company. It’s not a difficult thing to deal with but it’s usually an uncomfortable situation for me. It’s only unbearable when I have to deal with yellow-fever, or Asian fetishism and it happens a lot when I’m travelling in less multi-cultural cities. But, surprising enough, I even get that same exotic-factor to a certain degree in Asian countries. It doesn’t happen as often, at least until some kind of discourse begins but once I mention I’m from Toronto, it’s just as bad or even worse. I can see people’s eyes light up and they start to become very interested in what I have to say. And although I am Asian, many Asians who are born and raised inland don’t see me as an Asian girl first; they perceive me to be a Western girl above all else and automatically assume I am experimental, wild, open-minded, etc. These preconceived ideas are not too problematic; compared to many of the people there, I definitely am a lot less conservative but many times people will automatically sexualize this image of me and I suddenly become a caricature of “Girls Gone Wild”. Someone once asked me for permission to sext me because he learned it was a common thing in North America. It’s a gross feeling. I feel objectified, fetishized and, above all else, used. It has an ill-effect on how inland-born Asian women see me as well. I’m being stalked by a couple girls in Singapore even though I’m on the other side of the world and others have banned their boyfriends from chatting/hanging out with me because they see me as a threat. One girl got mad because her boyfriend offered and drove me home when I was on crutches. Go figure.

One important thing I’ve learned during my travels is that one of the best ways to stay safe is by blending into the crowd and with the physical attributes I mentioned, it’s been pretty hard for me in the last year. I wish I knew what made me a target for my accident in Bali. While some people tell me it was probably due to the way I dressed, others told me that it was simply because I looked East Asian and therefore was assumed that I was a rich girl. Two reasons, one within my control and one not; regardless, standing out puts me at high risk for thefts, scams, and danger in general. I stand out like a sore thumb and I think that’s also the reason why I am always ‘randomly’ selected for screening at the airport. I don’t know whether or not look shady but I always get the drug swab and the additional pat-down.

People always ask me for the time, for directions and to help them take a picture. It’s so strange. It happens so often that it gets pretty irritating. I walk away when I see a touristy-looking family pull out a camera because I know I’m the one they’re going to ask for help. The difference between my experience and those of my friends are pretty striking. I had a conversation about this with a girlfriend, Sonia, who told me that when she travels, people seldom approach her for directions, the time, etc. She attributes it to her ‘resting-bitch-face’. I attribute it to her witch-y aesthetic. I have to admit, I was pretty intimidated when I saw her and our friendship wouldn’t have been where it is today if it wasn’t for her speaking to me first, haha. Anyways, I think the easy-to-perceive characteristics come together for each person to create a degree of approachability. Despite my tattoos, Sonia thinks I have a high approachability factor because I have a happy disposition and I seem like a friendly person which I guess encourages strangers to talk to me.

I don’t experience a lot of racism, at least at a face-to-face basis but I have had my share of unfortunately situations. Strange enough, the most racism I have experienced in my life has been in Vancouver, where I’ve been told to go back to my own country (funny, because I was born in Canada). I do, however, experience more mild forms of racism and a lot of reverse racism. It really bothers me when people assume I am a certain ethnicity without asking me first. I get a lot of ‘nee-hao’s and ‘konnichiwa’s from strangers when I’m walking by, especially if they are trying to sell me something. Funny how people never ask me if I like French automatically assume I like sushi and bubble tea. I know most people are trying to be friendly but frankly, it’s a little presumptuous and that offends me. This racism isn’t restricted to non-Asians. A lot of people who make these assumptions of me are Asian themselves, speaking to me in Chinese without knowing whether I understand or not. Why can’t people ask first? In cities that are predominately very white, people always ask me where I’m from. Even if I’m minding my own business like buying something at the store, or just eating at a restaurant, I get that question all the time. Most people expect me to name an Asian country and they’re always in awe when I say I’m from Toronto. I also often get told “your English is really good” or “it really surprised me that you don’t have an accent”. A stranger at a Walmart went out of their way tell me the latter phrase when he overheard me asking staff where to find something.

Apart from the racial prejudices, I’d say that more often than not, preconceived perceptions of who I am as a person work in my favour. I’m pretty shy to approach people so it’s pretty easy to make friends if they’re approaching me first and now I’m fortunate to have a few friends in a few different cities. A trip to the bar is always an interesting one; people can quickly figure out that I’m not from around town so even though they ask that dreaded question of where I’m from, the usually conversation is harmless and I end up having a very interesting night with some quick tips on where to hit up in town. Sometimes if it’s with the bartender, it means a cocktail on the house! I can’t deny there are certain charms of being a travelling young girl. 😉 Anyways, learned some quick tips from someone who seemed to have mastered avoiding strangers talking to them (thanks Sandia!):

  • Walk with headphones/earphones in
  • Walk fast
  • Walk with purpose
  • Don’t make eye-contact with people.
  • (and I think it would be helpful to) Practice resting-bitch-face
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RE: What makes me smile?

I’m sure this question is difficult for everyone. I’ve been feeling down the last couple of days but I’m going to give it a shot.

I don’t exactly know what it is but when I think about my highest peaks of happiness, it involves me interacting with wild animals. It’s a fleeting happiness; it’s extremely short-lived but I don’t think I can think of anything that makes me happier at a single moment. From taking pictures of them, to simply watching them do their thing, to getting as close as I possibly can to them and possibly touching them. Is that strange? I’ve been trying to link it to a childhood experience but the closest thing can think of is my Gr. 3 obsession with Pokemon and I’m pretty sure it’s not that. Even before then I was carrying around animal books and running around catching grasshoppers and lizards.

My two absolute happiness moments in my life were either catching frogs in Ubud, Bali or feeding pigeons in Plaça de Catalunya, Barcelona. For the Bali frogs, I remember having one in each hand, laughing hysterically in a dark pathway at night. I’m sure locals thought I was crazy and tourists thought I may have been a witch. I was even planning how many I could put in my knapsack to take back to my place (they had a beautiful outdoor shower + bathtub) but my good senses kicked in… and I only took two back. Of course, I let them go after watching them for a bit. For the Barcelona pigeons, I was so happy that I couldn’t help but cry when I had four, five pigeons eating for my hand at a time. I loved doing that so much, we went back and I fed them again on a separate occasion.

It’s kind of scary to think that perhaps no human can make me happier than an animal can. I don’t even understand this part of myself so I don’t expect others to understand it either. Don’t get me wrong; I know it’s bad. I know a lot of people who are really against all interaction with wildlife and I feel extremely guilty about it. I’m learning to better behave myself; you won’t catch me feeding bears or taking animals home anymore. I’ve been channeling my strange obsession to simply taking photographs and collecting skulls. It’s one of my longterm dreams to get a snazzy camera and shoot NatGeo-quality one day.

I think a more persisting kind of happiness and my biggest go-to is discovering and experiencing new things. I love seeing new places, eating new things, meeting new people and putting myself in situations that excite me in general. I think this goes hand-in-hand with learning about cultures which I also enjoy doing. I like to spend everyday doing something new. I don’t do it so much when I’m in Toronto although I do generally try to spend the night out and do something interesting on the weekends given the money and time. But when I’m out of town, believe me, I go full out. I think it’s pretty easy for me to find appreciation in all places, even those that deserve a little more love. Of course, there are only so many new things in this world and what I end up doing it chasing that high, spending a lot of money on flights, food and things in general. I want to eat as many different things (especially sweets, bring me all the sweets), see as much as I can, and have as many different conversations before I hit the ground.

I have accepted that I’m a materialist and I I love material things. I grew up in a low-income family and I spent a lot of my childhood wearing pre-owned clothing and using donated things from stores like Value Village (a thrift store here). I was often bullied for being poor and I am very much aware that those experiences might have left a psychological impact on me. I, myself, don’t like to see my possessions as a crutch; they bring joy to my life and things like apparel give me confidence and comfort that I need in my life. I’m sure the guys of The Minimalists would have a lot to say to me. When I come back from a trip, I seriously sit around my home and just bask in my stuff. Stuff upon stuff. I keep a lot of things that remind me of someone or of some occurrence in my life and reflecting on past experiences makes me happy. The grape drink medicine box from Tippling Club that was given to me still makes me smile. I don’t necessarily see it as an unhealthy habit. It by no means stops me from appreciating non-material values. In fact, I think wanting things makes me work harder and smarter to get those things and it just ends up keeping me on my toes. Some people are happier to have work less and have less stuff but I go right the other way. I will work a million times harder to get what I want. I guess you could call me a go-getter. I think part of the happiness comes from staying true to myself. I try not to deprive myself of the things that bring me joy and comfort.

Along with staying true to myself, I am obsessed with productivity. There’s something about getting things done or checking things off my to-do list that is just so fulfilling. It feels good. (There are dangers about this from a book I’m reading called Smarter, Faster, Better by Charles Duhigg) Maybe that’s why I’m running all the time. They say exercise produces endorphins, endorphins boost productivity. I think being productive is just a way of convincing myself that I am making good use of my time. Also, I like seeing myself get better at something. Who doesn’t?

I am definitely less dependent on people than the typical person. I don’t get lonely easily and I enjoy doing a lot of things on my own. However, I am really grateful for the friends I have. I seldom get to spend enough time with the people I like most either because I’m preoccupied with commitments or it’s a flight away and I often feel guilty for not investing more time on them. It doesn’t help that I don’t enjoy chatting via text or online. I think my closer friends have accepted and understood that part of me but sometimes I worry that people feel disconnected from me because I don’t keep touch in that way. I’m also afraid that some of my favourite people don’t even know how much I value them; I’m just simply too shy to tell them so and I don’t really know to express it. I miss my friends often but I seldom ever tell them. I’m going to put more effort into seeing friends after the end of the con season is over.

I’m at the end of this and I do have to say that writing about the things that make me happy makes me feel a lot better. Thanks. +we’ll leave the business endeavours for our top-secret discussions. owo

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Rolls and Punches: My first trail race experience

I am writing from Manitoba! This weekend here I took on my first race out of Toronto and my first-ever trail race in Birds Hill Provincial Park with the Summer Trail Series. I will include more information about these Manitoban series of races at the end of this post but for now I simply want to focus on my run experience which I hope will be particularly helpful for friends who want to tackle their first trail run in the future!

I have always preferred running on trails or trail-like environments over urban settings. I am easily frustrated by stoplights and traffic, plus I love the idea of catching sight of wild animals that are less commonly seen. However, a long trail run is a totally different monster from a long paved run. The race I undertook was 10km long and the strongest impression it left on me was that it was much harder than I expected. Personally, this run was more difficult for me to tackle than a half marathon. To be fair, I did not have much preparation; I found out that I would be running this race pretty late so the only practice I managed to fit into my schedule was a single 10km sidewalk run. But even then, I am usually very confident in running a regular 10km and I fully expected that I would complete the race in under 55 minutes when I ended up taking 1 hour and 18 minutes. Even on my laziest runs, I may go as slow as 6:30/km but I couldn’t even do that. To be prepared for a trail race, one definitely needs to train trail. I was running on terrain that I had never run on before; I found myself running over dirt, rocks, grass, over and under logs, while avoiding branches and various wild animal poop. The ups and downs are much steeper than I have ever experienced in an urban setting and never-ending turns demolished my calves. Thus, although I really wanted to stay under an hour, it was pretty hard when I was also trying hard not to kill myself. I did in fact fall once, along with a million stumbles, but no harm done. Aside from the fact that it was extremely challenging, it was still a stunning experience and I would do it all over again but with more preparation the next time around.

So what differences did I experience on this trail race from that of the typically paved race?

The most obvious difference was the environment itself. To my naivety, I thought that the differences would place a negligible effect on my run time. Big mistake. I was basically off by a half hour. There were so many factors that played a hand in slowing me down including the varying terrain, the topsy turvy path, slowing down to pass someone or to be passed, etc. This trail also involved climbing over one log and ducking under two. I slowed down at the turns and I hesitated at a couple of steep drops, also going down them at a slower pace. The trail environment took a lot of my focus away from pace was watching where to place my feet in avoiding branches, big rocks and poop (animal, of course). Even looking for the path markers took a little focus off too. There are a lot of markers to look for as it is very easy to accidentally run off a trail if one isn’t paying attention. Putting my cautions up, I ended up running at an extremely slow pace. I am also a pretty clumsy individual and I don’t lift my feet up very high when I walk or run so I think the shift in setting placed an especially significant effect on me. I took it very easy on the run and I also couldn’t help but slow down a few times to marvel at beautiful views and even stopped to take pictures of some amazing sights, including the ones in this post.  I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to spot any wild mammals but I got to see the giant dragonflies that I remember. They are very memorable as I got bit catching one last year… I’ll write about that another time. I recently learned that they are bred and then released to control the mosquito population. Cool, hm?

I’d say the environmental positives outweigh the negatives. People have their own preferences and I definitely know that forested environments are mine which is precisely the kind of trail this was. It was also a bonus for me that it was an evening run. There is something about running through the woods that makes running a more tranquil and meditative experience for me. The surrounding sounds are relaxing (doesn’t the sound of traffic just stress you out?) and I get to avoid all the typical interruptions of a sidewalk run. The air is nicer and running between trees kept me shaded and cool. Running in a forested environment also meant tripping on branches and rocks, getting scratched up, and getting bit by bugs but of course there are ways to work around most of these things such as wearing proper footwear, leggings, and applying bug repellant.

While this run had the mental effect of making me super cautious,  there was also a very physical effect as it was much rougher on the muscles. Although the organizers state that trail running shoes are not absolutely necessary, I felt extremely fortunate that I had proper trail running shoes because this run destroyed my calves which were continually trying to compensate for lack of traction, the never-ending turns that go every which way, the extremely steep ups and downs and any combination of those conditions at the same time. I  couldn’t imagine running with any less traction that I had. (Nor can I imagine running with mud; thank god it didn’t rain) My calves were definitely not used the sharp turns; I was throwing weight from one side to the other so quickly, just to do another sharp turn a few steps down. Likewise, my quads felt the pressure on the hills and from continually pull my legs higher up to avoid branches and larger rocks. Balance is also very much an aspect that is also particular to trail running. During a regular paved run, I wouldn’t think twice about balance but here, my ankles were often caught in so many different positions and I really have to gauge my speed when taking a turn to avoid smashing into a tree. Taking on the unexpected, I very much had to roll with the punches and twists of this race.

The shoes I used were Adidas Terrex Trailmaker GTX shoes and they served me well as I did not slip at all. (They’re on sale right now, go go go!)

Another big difference are the increased bottlenecks. Bottlenecks are part of almost ever race. Even by structuring wave groups, organizers can’t fully eradicate them, especially at the start of the run. But beside the start, bottlenecks have never been a problem for me and even though there are a lot of people to run along, it is pretty easy to weave through them (I find it pretty fun, actually). Bottlenecks , however, are definitely more of an issue during a trail race run. The path is only so wide so firstly, runners have to slowly funnel into the trail and secondly, weaving isn’t so much an option as everyone is basically running in single file. As a result, runners have an obligation to help each other pass so they can do their best.

I arrived late and started running when everyone had already begun so I personally did not have to deal with too many bottleneck issues. I had to pass a few people once I caught up but those were pretty easy to do especially when runners were so friendly about it. Many runners simply stopped before I even got close and many of them followed up with words of encouragement like “Good job!” I think it would be good to know so here’s the etiquette on passing and being passed: Passing will usually involve squeezing past someone but only when there is enough room to safety do so. It helps to give a verbal warning (e.g. “passing on your left!”) so the other runner can be aware and give a go-ahead.. This also means it helps to keep music at a lower volume to hear runners coming back from behind. If being passed, it does not mean one has to stop running (although you have the option to). It simply means avoiding from being an obstacle to other runners who are trying to pass usually by moving as close to the right side as possible. A additional cool tip from the organizers is to take advantage of the first few paved meters to speed ahead if you are a strong runner as it will mean less passing to do later. Conversely, it also means that overtaking too aggressively is a bad idea if you are not as strong of a runner.

There were some other minor differences, surprises and ramblings I’d like to make about this run, mostly insignificant notes so short path end here, for the long path, keep going.

I flew in at 11:30am and the race started at 6:45pm so it gave me a little bit of time to nap before my run but I guess I slept a little too long because I arrived late. More importantly, I was late because I did not account park size in my travel time. I didn’t realize just how vast Birds Hill Park was until I was actually within it. It took 15 minutes just to be driven from one side to the other. I guess I should have known better given it is a provincial park. As I stepped out of the taxi (it was a $60 cab ride; Winnipeg, pray for Uber), I watched everyone take off from the running line. It wasn’t much if a bother to me and I didn’t really mind running the race late. In fact, I think was a nice experience skipping out on starting line nerves, bottlenecks and to basically run solo until I caught up with some runners. The only real repercussion of arriving late is having an inaccurate time recorded online but that in itself isn’t much of a matter when I can easily record time on my own. Speaking of which, look how crazy my Strava map is:

As the race started at 6:45pm, I expected to be running in the dark but all through it and to the end, the sun was still up in the sky. I looked it up afterwards and apparently the sun doesn’t even start setting in the area until 9:30 at night. I heard that it gets darker quicker for the runs towards the end of summer and that the organizers encourage people to bring headlamps.

There was a small number of runners (last year they had around 80 runners in a race). It may be attributed to my social anxiety but it was extremely refreshing to run with fewer people around. The community seemed super close knit and everyone just seemed to know everyone else when gathering at the end of it. I think I must have been the only person who went to run alone.

The race took place at a provincial park and there was no way people would have it if runners threw plastic dipped paper cups all over the place after taking a sip of water. Additionally the organizers encouraged to reduce general race-waste so runners were expected to bring their own bottles for water stations along the run. Amazing stuff! I don’t like baggage (physical and emotional >wo) so I didn’t bring any along with me but they had plastic cups at the end so I could fortunately rehydrate myself. Mountain Dew had never tasted so good but it also meant that I didn’t sleep the same night because I forgot that Mountain Dew has substantial amount of caffeine and I’m caffeine sensitive. Did you know it’s double a Coke? What the hell?

Fortunately someone was kind enough to bring me back to the city so I didn’t have to take a taxi back the other way. We caught sight of the setting sun on the way and it was the most beautiful I have ever seen.

Got the shot but couldn’t capture the beauty.

Those are my simple notes  as a trail-running newbie. I hope they are helpful or, at the very least, interesting in one way or another. The best way to train for a trail run is definitely to train in trail settings to build muscle strength and simply to prepare for the environment and conditions themselves. I am looking forward to running different type of trail races such as alpine and coastal runs in the future.. My muscles will be recovering in the next couple of days and I think my tailbone took a hit so I’m waiting that out too… but hopefully I should be up and ready for a Winnipeg run on Monday!

 

About the race

My run was the first of three races of The Summer Trail Series, organized by Trail Run Manitoba. There was a choice between a shorter 6km path and a longer 10km path. The races are held on Thursday evenings and the idea behind their scheduling is to allow people to run in between their other summer adventures. This was the precisely why I was able to run it; usually my summer weekends are completely booked up. What an amazing idea — I love it! The runs are sold out for 2017 but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to get in; many people are trading and selling off their bibs on the Trail Run Manitoba Facebook page and that’s how I managed to join the run myself. More information on these races are here: www.summertrailseries.com