I messed up today. Had a cup of green tea and now I’m paying the price. Half impulse and the other half was because I felt like I needed to preoccupy myself over dinner with my parents. I took a sip, enjoyed it, and I guess I just lost myself in it.
It was the first time ever having a meal together like that. Just me, my mom and my dad. Not sure what I was expecting when I agreed to go out but it was a very awkward engagement. We were in a Japanese restaurant that had just opened up that my dad wanted to try. They were both sitting across from me, my dad on the left and my mom on the right. My dad, a mess as usual; his hair was unkempt and he could have fastened up another button on his shirt. My mom looked overdressed next to him, wearing a red paisley dress, fitted and sleeveless, which she paired with a white belt. Her makeup was done meticulously as always. She took a long time getting ready for such a casual thing. She kind of made me feel embarrassed that I didn’t put on makeup on or wear anything nice but taking close to two hours in the washroom… she didn’t give me much time either.
I’m sitting in front them, watching them talk to each other, not expecting them to talk to me. It’s the same thing ever since I was a kid. I don’t have conversations with my parents. It just never happened growing up. My dad worked the night shifts so we’d barely even see him. My mom was a homemaker and she would would call us for dinner, bring us to the bus stop, tell us when to sleep but she’d never talked to us. We grew up like that. We had parents that raised us but didn’t get to know us. It had a huge impact on us siblings and our relationship to each other. To this day, we’re like housemates. We come in and out, barely acknowledging each other when we cross paths. It’s been so long that it seems normal to keep things this way but now that we know what normal flourishing relationships should be like, deep down we know it’s a weird states of things. It’s hard to break the mold when it’s all that it’s been.
I tried to start something. I told my mom about how I spent time with someone in the States who was half Singaporean. I thought she’d be more excited or curious but beyond simple amusement she didn’t say anything more. I quickly gave up and just focused on my tea. It was a green tea and I was convincing myself that maybe it would help me with my jet lag (yeah right). My parents continued talking to each other so I tuned them out and fiddled on phone for a while. After a bit, I looked up, made eye contact with my mom and she started talking to me about the World Cup. She told me that France had won. I was shocked. Most of everything that my mom has ever said to me had to do with something with her life or my life and nothing outside of that. I couldn’t believe that she was chit-chatting with me. It was so foreign and so astounding. I asked her how she knew this and I assumed that she must of heard it from coworkers but she told me she got up early to watch the match. I asked her why and she told me that it was the finals, implying that that alone made it very important. I wanted to keep her talking. I asked her who France lost to and after confirming with my dad, she told me it was Croatia.
It’s so hard for me to convey how such a simple exchange of words blew me away. My relationship with both parents is a weird one and not something many would understand. The moment was extremely short (it was the only form of chitchat that night or possibly the year) and the information itself not profound but that very interaction solidified a thought that first arose in May (write about it next time): there is a lot to learn about my mom. I barely know who she is and there are a lot of unexpected sides to her. She’s been very willing to take steps outside this weird relationship I’ve had with her my entire life which has only felt supervisory. I see things improving between us and it makes me very happy.